when donna found out
by ItsDxrkInside
Summary: a series of one shots of how Donna found out about Harvey's panic attacks
1. authors note

hi guysss

so this is going to be a collection of one shots of alternative ways where donna finds out about harvey's panic attacks

bc i had always imagined her to have found out in a different way to how she actually did

it's going to be a mixture of my own ideas and any ideas you guys have

so if you guys have any prompts let me know

(oh also i know the title is really bad so if you guys have any suggestions let me know bc i cant do titles lol)

lets see how this goes :))

-wrxppedup


	2. at her doorstep

**ok guys here we are**

 **here is my first chapter**

 **this is one of my own i hope you like it**

 **it's set during 5X02 when harvey goes to donnas place**

 **i wasnt really sure about how to end it i hope it's okay**

 **let me know what you think and keep your prompts coming**

 **enjoyyy**

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 **AT HER DOORSTEP**

"And if you've kept that from me for 12 years and you're only just telling me that now, then maybe you are jealous" And with that, she slammed the door shut in his face.

Her words hit him hard – harder than he would've liked. She was one of the only people who could have such an effect on his emotions, who could make him weak – and right now, she had done just that.

He could feel it coming as she snapped at him. The words were hitting him hard. It was hurting him that he had hurt her; that he had pushed her away and they were no longer how they used to be.

She called him jealous. Was he jealous? He probably was – not that he'd ever admit it to anyone. He hated seeing her outside Louis's office and not his own. He hated not being able to go to her when he needed someone and he hated not having her to look over him.

She was such a big part of his life and losing her hurt him more than he ever expected.

His heart began beating faster from the minute he heard the coldness in her voice; the coldness that felt like strange coming from her mouth – directed to him. But he reminded himself, he was the one who had created it and now he wished so bad he could hear her kind voice and her light-hearted banter once again.

It was the very last thing she said that completely threw him off – _well maybe you are jealous._

And then she slammed the door on his face. The thud echoed through his whole body, rattling his insides.

His heart began to race and beat widely against his chest, having an effect the same as cracking his ribs open.

He tried to take a deep breath but found he couldn't. His vision was blurring up and he fell heavily against the wall.

He could feel his forehead dampen along with the rest of his body. His shirt collar felt as though it was suffocating him, like it was digging into his neck and cutting off his air supply.

And just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, he was hit by a sudden wave of nausea. He gasped in attempt to bring in oxygen; the last thing he wanted was to throw up outside her doorstep.

He felt so helpless; so weak. He was left with little choice. His mind was unfocused and unclear; qualities he never wished to experience as a lawyer. He did what his instinct told him and brought his fist to the door, knocking as hard as he could with so little energy.

She got to the door fast and swung it open even faster. She was pissed, he could tell.

He looked up to see her crestfallen expression – just about making it out with his blurry vision.

"Look, Harvey can-" She began, intending to snap at him for pestering her once more, but she stopped dead in her tracks at what she saw in front of her.

Harvey was leaning heavily against the wall as if it were the only thing keeping him up. His face was pale and masked with a layer of perspiration. His eyes were glazing as he looked up at her almost pleading for help. But the thing that terrified her the most, was the pain and fear in his eyes.

"Oh my God" She whispered, her voice shaking.

She was unsure of what to do; _Donna_ was unsure of what to do – Donna always knew what to do.

But she didn't have to think for too long, as he stumbled past her, into her apartment.

He was unsteady on his feet, not quite sure of where he was going. He had been to her place a grand total of 3 times so he did know his way around.

He staggered all the way to her bathroom; unaware of how much she was panicking behind him.

She called out his name a few times and her worry was only growing as he failed to acknowledge her.

She had a feeling she knew what was happening to him – but she didn't want to believe it. She had seen it happening to her mother when she was younger. When they lost all their money, it was a regular thing she would have to experience and her mother made her promise she would never tell her father. And if she was right, if the same thing was happening to Harvey, than that meant he was having a panic attack.

But he couldn't be, could he? Harvey Specter having a panic attack – now that was one thing she never thought she would say (or think). She had seen him vulnerable a lot compared to other people and she knew he got weak but never did she think it would come to this.

She quickly blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall and followed him into the bathroom – at least she thought that's where he was going.

He reached the bathroom and collapsed onto his knees clutching the toilet bowl. His head spun and all of a sudden he began retching into the toilet. He hadn't eaten much; he had lost his appetite recently. It was mainly just empty retches and watery bile. He felt terrible, suffocated and confused. He just wanted it to stop.

She stood there for a few moments, watching him heave his guts out into the toilet. A tear slipped down her cheek but she quickly wiped it away. She hated seeing him like this – vulnerable and hurt. She had always known him as a strong person, it hurt seeing him weak.

She knelt down beside him and placed a hand on his shaking back. She began to rub soothing circles, hoping to comfort him. She then placed her other hand onto his wet forehead and brought her hand back, smoothing back his hair.

They stayed like that for some time. She kept on soothing him, whispering comforting words. He sat there, panting and trying to compose himself.

She briefly left the bathroom and returned with a glass of water which she handed to him.

After what felt like forever, Harvey sat back and fell against the bathroom wall. He closed his eyes and a few moments before realising fully where he was and what had happened. At realising it, he hastily stood up and rushed out of the bathroom using the sides to steady himself.

She stood up perplexed as she saw him rush out. She saw how his expression suddenly transformed before he stood and made his way out. She quickly ran after him. There was no way she was going to let him leave.

"Harvey" He heard her call after him but he ignored her.

He was almost at the door before he felt her hand grip onto his arm.

"Harvey stop" She said and he tried not to hear the pain in her voice.

"Donna, please just let me go" He told her through gritted teeth.

He pulled away from her grip and went to open the door.

"Harvey, please" She whispered, her voice wavering slightly. He had no choice but to turn around. He looked at her face, her expression of dejection, and he watched as a tear ran down her cheek. And damn if that didn't break something inside of him.

"Please" She whispered again. He sighed and shut the door.

She gestured towards the couch and they both went over and sat down.

She went into the kitchen and came back with two glasses of scotch, passing one to him.

She sat back down on the couch next to him and they stayed silent for a while.

"How long have they been happening since?" She asked him calmly.

He didn't reply.

"Harvey?"

He suddenly felt like he was in another therapy session.

"Since a few weeks now" He really didn't want to get into detail about it.

"Since I left?" She whispered and he found he couldn't look at her.

"Donna can we just leave this"

"Harvey, answer the question" Her eyes were filling up with tears again. She knew the answer, she just needed it confirmed.

"Yes, since you left" The last thing he wanted was for her to find out.

She let out a small sniff but he pretended he didn't notice.

"And what have you been doing about it?"

"Look, Donna can we please just leave this"

"No Harvey, no we can't leave this! You come into my apartment, have a panic attack, throw up in my bathroom and then tell me that it's because of me and you expect me to leave this?!" There were more tears and it was killing him. He hated seeing her upset and he hated that he was the reason right now.

"I've been seeing a therapist" He told her quietly.

"And has it been helping?"

"Well, yeah, I think so. But honestly, it's fine, I'm okay – really" He said, but his eyes told a different story. They were filled with hurt and anguish.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered and for the first time since the discussion had started, he turned around and he looked at her.

"Donna, I'm sorry" Neither of them knew why he was apologising. She knew why he didn't come to her; well there were two reasons – 1) he was Harvey Specter, 2) she was the one who had caused it. He was apologising because ... well because he had upset her.

"No Harvey, I'm sorry. But I'm always here if you need me, I may not be at your desk, but I will always be here for you"

And for the first time in ages, they simply smiled at each other.

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 **thanks for reading:))**


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